Why Always Me?

Cause of shit like this

Greatest Goal Celebrations- #9

From the man who invented class, Thierry Henry. A "long distance goal followed by a long distance celebration" as so perfectly put by the announcer. Slides full-on right in front of the Sp*rs supporters. The rare moment where cockiness is well and fully earned.

Poorly imitated by the Togolese buffoon Emmanuel Adebayor

PS Did Arsenal drop points to QPR today? I don't know, I didn't see it.

Greatest Goal Celebrations- #10

Perhaps nothing better encapsulates why soccer is better than American sports than its events post-scoring. Players catapult to states of nirvana and go fucking nuts. No restrictions to worry about, no fines. Just pure, unadulterated joy. Our first human reaction when doing something awesome is to run wild, physically and/or mentally, so why would we restrain that? Hi Roger Goodell. Seriously, soccer celebrations are some of the most genuine, exciting, impressive, creative, and sometimes just downright weird situations that one can view within the realm of sport. To honor this, we're counting down the 10 best celebration of all time. Leading off, the EPL's 4th all time leading scorer, Liverpool heartthrob, and likely narcotics fiend, Robbie Fowler....

At the time of this goal, the British tabloids, and especially the less than loved Evertonians, had been putting a lot of pressure on the likelihood of Fowler having a heavy cocaine problem. He responds by not only scoring a key equalizer in the Merseyside derby, at rival Goodison Park, but promptly snorts the endline not once, but twice- clearly as a result of building up such a high tolerance. Overall, in my book, pure class.

Girl Faces Assault Charges after Brawl during High School Game, Gives all Men Reason to Watch a Girls High School Game

The only reason why this video wasn't released on World Star first was because there's never any black people at soccer games. Black Americans don't play soccer...and this is why. I can just picture the thoughts running through the head of 80's mom running to break up the fight - "I knew we shouldn't have let LaToya join the league!" I don't know what's more embarrassing for the girl, the fact that she went HAM on this white girl like she pulled out her weave after she barely touched her (PS that was a shit attempt at a tackle, Lindsay), or her actual fighting skills once she pushed her down. I mean look at those last three "punches." What is this, the WWE? I think if the white girl feigned injury after this attack she should be booked for simulation. Either way, this girl seems confused as to what sport she's playing. Then again, maybe this will work better in spreading soccer to the American masses...it can't be worse than the David Beckham experiment.


Now, let's hear Richard Keys and Andy Gray's thoughts on women's soccer...

FA Cup Round-Up - Derby Delight

Everton cruised past Sunderland in their FA Cup 6th round replay while Spurs ran by Bolton at White Hart Lane in their second attempt of their match at White Hart Lane. #prayformuamba

Nikica Jelavic scored a goal and had an assist in a Man of the Match performance for Everton who dismantled a Sunderland side who looked nothing like the team that has experienced a recent revival under new boss Martin O'Neill. Spurs and Bolton were scoreless until the 73rd minute thanks to the King of the Gingers, goalkeeper Adam Bodgan. Ryan Nelsen scored his first goal for the club off a corner followed by Gareth Bale 3 minutes later. A Kevin Davies strike in the 90th minute ensured a nervy ending until Louis Saha struck on what ended up being the final kick of the game as Spurs won 3-1.

The results ensured two delicious Derby match-ups in two weeks time - Spurs will meet Chelsea while Everton will meet quickly fading Merseyside rivals Liverpool at Wembley in the semifinals of the world's oldest Cup competition. Now cue the motherfuckin music

Kids Build Soccer Field on Water and Become an Awesome Team Inspiring Both Themselves and The Community (Little Old, but Irrelevant)

Beautiful game, my brethren. I honestly don't think I can think of doing something any cooler when at that age (or maybe any age). How this hasn't been made into a movie is beyond me. The Big Green who? These resourceful Thailand maestros would mop the floor with that fat ginger and his group of emotionally stunted, probably gay friends. Yeah, I didn't like that movie.

Anyways, without further adieu, prepare to be inspired

Daily Dose of Wonderstrike Round 2: RoboCrouch Shimmers

Crouch with a fabulous (edit: goal of the season/likely his life) goal, stealing a very valuable 2 pts from Man City, furthering doubts that they'll catch their Manchester neighbors and end their 4+ decade long title drought. Also, dat wife.

"Domo arigato, Mr Crouch. Rawr"

Game note: Samir Na$ri allegedly attempted to ingest his own ejaculate while in the locker room during half-time. Mancini's reaction-

Your Daily Dose of Wonderstrike

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av30 by arsenalist

I still can't tell if I'm in awe of the purity of Arteta's Lego hair or utterly offended by its arrogance. However, strikes like these will certainly delay the conversation to a further date.

PS does anyone with even a drop of common sense see Arsenal losing their grasp on 3rd? Man City and Chelsea come to the Emirates, and then you have the relegation fodder of Wolves, Wigan, and QPR, followed by perpetually mediocre Stoke to round out the season. Money. in. the bank.

Chelsea 0-0 Tottenham - Player Ratings

What started as a drab affair in an uneventful first half led into a second full of chances. Tottenham were the better team after the interval and may rue not taking three points but will still be happy to leave Stamford Bridge 5 points clear of their London rivals with 8 games remaining in the season. Onto the ratings then...

Chelsea

Petr Cech - 7. Dealt well with his biggest challenges - a point blank smash from Van der Vaart and a fizzing free kick from Bale.

The Lippy White C*nt - 6. No racial insults were hurled.

The Flying Unibrow - 7. Worked the right wing well and defended well - Di Matteo may not have thought so though. Subbed for Luiz in the 60th minute.

Gary Cahill (Man of the Match) - 9. Thwarted more attacks than his back-line teammates and saved the game for Chelsea after clearing off the line when Adebayor had rounded Cech in the second half.

Ashley Cole - 6. Fairly anonymous.

Michael Essien - 6.5. Committed defensively. Had a job to do and did it fine.

Frank Lampard - 5. Very limited influence. Doesn't matter who is on the touchline for Chelsea - his best days seem to be behind him.

Ramires - 5.5 He was on the field...I think.

Daniel Sturridge - 6. Looked lost out on the left - whose fault is that though? The England manager, Har- err, Stuart Pearce was there to see.

Juan Mata - 6. Had the best chance of the match for Chelsea when he struck the post from a curling free kick. Usually the spark for Chelsea but aside from that, he seemed frustrated.

Didier Drogba - 5.5. Had 2 good opportunities but couldn't finish. Didn't have a great day.

David Luiz- 3. Came on for Bosingwa. What goes on in his head?





Tottenham


Captain America - 6. Was never truly tested.

Kyle Walker 6. - He has pace. He can run. I'm still unconvinced of his defensive abilities though.

Billy Gallas - 8. Fitness is the issue with him, hopefully he can sort that out. More please.


Younes Kaboul 6.5. Dealt with his challengers well.

Hey Arnold - 7. What the fuck is going on with hair? A good performance though. His passing was excellent and did not have any lapses in concentration.

Sandro - 6. Ran about like a madman but needs a bit more discipline. Received a yellow card and was subbed to prevent a second.

General Parker - 7. Bloodied in the second half, ran himself into the ground for the cause.

Luka Modric - 6. Never put his mark on the game.

The Boy Bale - 7.5. In the first half, he seemed to be the only one up for it. Was a bit over ambitious with a few shots but far and away Spurs most dangerous threat going forward. Also, hit the bar with a header.

Rafael van der Vaart - 6. Subbed.

Emmanuel Adebayor - 7. Really should have won the game after rounding Cech in the second half. He is very Jekyll and Hyde. At times has the touch of a Andy Carroll (see first half), at times can make excellent runs and get involved (see second half).

Soccer Players That May or May Not Have Been Born Out of Beastiality

See if you can match the following players (+manager, hint- it's #8) with their respective fathers.











1H (Llama) Ronaldinho, F, Flamengo
2A (Shrek) Wayne Rooney, F, Manchester United
3F (Hunchback) Franck Ribery, M, Bayern Munich
4B (C*nt Rat) Luis Saurez, F, Liverpool
5C (Badger) Carlos Tevez, F, Parts Unknown
6E (Sheepdog) Carlos Puyol, D, Barcelona
7D (Goonies Monster) Dirk Kuyt, F, Liverpool
8G (Downs Kid) Harry Redknapp, Manager, Tottenham