Real Ball Physics! Dictate the tempo! Improved Teammate AI! I think EA literally just copied the template from the e-mail they sent out last year for FIFA 13 but added the "Pure Shot." And of course the video shows absolutely nothing besides a couple players ripping it into the top corner - not sure what that means if anything at all. The only real change FIFA has had in the last couple of years has been "Tactical Defending" aka getting rid of the B button so your defender went kamikaze into the guy with the ball. Anyway, what's certain is that FIFA will probably be the exact same as last year's and I'll still be in line the day it comes out.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
WAG of the Day
Alexandra Loizou...girlfriend of Georgios Samaras, aka that Greek dude with the long hair who plays for Celtic. That asshole gets to come home to this tail every night...except he's a soccer player so he probably just slams girls 10x hotter than this and calls up Alex when he's feeling lazy. Goddammit.
Team USA Random Thoughts and Analysis
So the U.S. beat an incredibly weakened Germany side in the nation's capital (hey - at least it's better than Cleveland?) in what was ultimately a pretty exciting game that gave Team USA a few answers but failed to answer some important questions.
...Or something like that. Anyway, the truth of the matter is that the US media outside of a few people knows nothing about soccer and Landon really doesn't deserve a spot in the squad...yet. His pace, experience and skill is ultimately something the U.S. just doesn't have right now. But his absence has allowed the U.S. to settle in up front and I think Donovan will fit in perfectly once he inevitably makes his return to the Red, White and Blue. Ultimately, I see this for the U.S. up front.
Jermaine Jones - M. Bradley
LD - Clint - Zusi
Jozy
JJ put in a man of the match performance against Germany and his presence along with Bradley's is what the US needs to try and gain control of the midfield which has been their biggest weakness in recent friendlies and WCQ games. LD will inject pace along with the motor of Clint. Jozy has gotten a lot of criticism lately but his season in Holland proved he is by far the best option for the U.S. up top.
The back line, however, is very far from set and looked pretty awful against Belgium and not much better at times vs. a weak Germany team. Beasley has been solid at LB and CB is basically between a bunch of young guys (Besler, Gonzalez and G. Cameron of the prestigious Stoke City F.C.) I think Klinsmann sees a lot in Gonzalez and is going to stick with him. The other spot is still up for grabs though. Besler is the reigning MLS defender of the year and Cameron is an experienced English Premier league rugby player...so yeah...someone step up?
There are 3 incredibly important WCQ games in the next 2 weeks and the U.S. needs to play to their potential and take points. At Jamaica, Panama and Honduras at home - we should take 7. Fairly recent losses to Jamaica and Honduras must be avenged. The best case scenario for the U.S. would be for Jozy to bang a few in and have a couple solid performances from the back line. I have a bad feeling that there's a loss in one of those 3 games but screw it, let's do this.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Gunners vs. Hammers LIVEBLOG
GET IN HERE
Starting Lineups. Giroud confirmed for hat trick. Gervinho confirmed for forehead. Mertsesacker confirmed for lord of the dance.
Arsenal: Mannone, Jenkinson, Mertesacker, Vermaelen, Gibbs, Ramsey, Arteta, Gervinho, Cazorla, Podolski, Giroud.
West Ham: Jaaskelainen, Demel, McCartney, Reid, Collins, Noble, Nolan, Diame, Vaz Te, Jarvis, Carroll
1"- Bubbles on the field to start. West Ham fans confirmed for pedophiles and/or clowns.
61"- Walcott in for Gervinho. No inconsistency lost in the transaction.
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79"- Good play from West Ham, touch from Diame to Nolan right inside the top of the box, blazes over.
81"- Mertesacker pirouettes and almost scores from yet another Cazorla corner. Deflected for another Arsenal corner, which Giroud calmly heads into the West Ham keeper.
83"- Walcott does well, feeds to Cazorla, who delivers an absolute peach from about 25 yds into the right side of the net. Keeper doesn't even move. 3-1 Arsenal. 3 points a certainty.
<iframe frameborder="0" width="480" height="360" src="http://www.dailymotion.
Starting Lineups. Giroud confirmed for hat trick. Gervinho confirmed for forehead. Mertsesacker confirmed for lord of the dance.
Arsenal: Mannone, Jenkinson, Mertesacker, Vermaelen, Gibbs, Ramsey, Arteta, Gervinho, Cazorla, Podolski, Giroud.
West Ham: Jaaskelainen, Demel, McCartney, Reid, Collins, Noble, Nolan, Diame, Vaz Te, Jarvis, Carroll
4"- Announcer has a heavy, heavy lisp. Has said "Cathorla" at least 7 times now. Also a testament to the feisty Spaniard's willingness to move and find open spaces.
10"- Arsenal commanding possession per usual, West Ham looking to park the bus despite being at home. Typical cowardice. Only a matter of time for the breakthrough. My money's on an outside stunner from Cathorla.
17"- Giroud schooling his defender on the left, intricate Arsenal play across the box, Jenkinson with a low cross leading to a corner.
18"- 2nd corner
19"- Drops to Oliver "Beefcastle" Giroud, sends a shot destined for the upper 90 (hey, that's the name of our blog) but is deflected away for a 3rd corner. Lifts up his shirt in frustration, revealing an 8-12 pack midsection that could only be chiseled by Zeus himself.
20"- Arsenal continue to possess and pressure. The whole stadium can feel a goal coming.
21"- And right on cue, Diame hits a great goal for West Ham after megging Ramsey on the left before curling a perfect shot across the box into the corner. 1-nil Hammers.
24"- Pressure from Arsenal. Jenkinson has really begun to show consistent form on the right flank, especially on his crosses.
30"- Giroud does extremely well in the middle before leading Gervinho, who was born offsides, into the box where he was, against all the odds, offsides.
32"- Continued pressure from West Ham, threatening to really put the Gunners in a hole. Andy Carroll averaging one fall for every 2 strides isn't necessarily helping their cause.
33"- Clever, clever play from Cathorla. Corner Arsenal. Giroud time?
35"- Flick on from Per, misses Giroud by a centimeter. Oh so close. Arsenal back on the break as well. 1-1 halftime score appearing likely.
40"- HNNNGGGGG. Giroud and Podolski combine for a great 1-2 outside and inside the box. Brilliant low cross from Poldi, immaculate stretched finish from Giroud. The monkey is lifted! The monkey is lifted! 1-1.
45"- 2 added minutes. #GIROUD is trending.
47"- Horrendous finish by Noble right in front of goal after a sloppy set piece. West Ham will certainly rue that.
TEA TIME. Early reports indicate that Arsenal's halftime will solely consist of Wenger spinning in a circle, being mobbed by the team with this song blaring on an 80's style boombox.
52"- Amateur giveaway by Jenkinson, West Ham down the right, Mannone easily saves the cross
53"- Carroll creates a corner. Gods be good, how much money did he cost again? Lolerpool.
53"- Fluid counter by Arsenal, Podolski leads, gives to Gibbs, Gibbs fucks up.
54"- Andy "Rich as Fuck Somehow" Carroll hits the bar from 3 yards. Offsides regardless.
56"- Andres "I Drive 150 MPH in normal traffic like a BOSS" Santos subs in for an injured Gibbs. Expect strong attacks down his left flank followed by equal chances of breakaways for West Ham.
-Implying he didn't tap this
63"- Some guy injured for West Ham. Some other guy on for him.
65"- Nearly from Arsenal. Poldolski great run on the left, cross to Cazorla, dumbass backheel by Walcott around the 6, Giroud almost saves it but goes right into the side netting. Arsenal certainly the more likely side here.
67"- Andy Carroll + Free Header = 0 return on investment and massive, hearty laughs for all.
69"- Poldolski and Cazorla almost combine for a clinical goal. True pros, these guys are. Phenomenal signings for Arsenal, both in the short and long term.
70"- West Ham with a breakaway, Lord of the Dance says "Ish Don't Think So".
72"- Another West Ham rando injured, another West Ham rando on.
73"- Podolski with a great low shot, just deflected wide. Just followed a definite no-call against Ramsey on the edge of the box.
74"- Cazorla making the left flank his bitch, 93rd corner for Arsenal.
75"- 94th corner
77"- Smooth counter from Arsenal, Giroud slips Walcott in, clinical finish. 2-1.
79"- Good play from West Ham, touch from Diame to Nolan right inside the top of the box, blazes over.
81"- Mertesacker pirouettes and almost scores from yet another Cazorla corner. Deflected for another Arsenal corner, which Giroud calmly heads into the West Ham keeper.
83"- Walcott does well, feeds to Cazorla, who delivers an absolute peach from about 25 yds into the right side of the net. Keeper doesn't even move. 3-1 Arsenal. 3 points a certainty.
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88"- Delightful possession here from Arsenal. Unofficial count is 45 ole's from the away supporters.
90"- Great outside shot from Taylor, but equalled by Mannone's save. By the way, does anyone else think Mannone was a meat cutter in the back of Stop n' Shop in another life?
92"- Brilliant (whatdaya know?) through ball from Cazorla to Giroud, good close-range save.
95"- Game, Gunners. Great 3 points, West Ham just completely outmatched. Announcers saying Carroll had "decent" hold-up play and other positives from the Hammers, but in truth they were never threatening even up 1-0.
With a goal and an assist, MOTM goes to Giroud, with a close second by Cathorla.
Racist Cunts vs Norwich 1st Half
This will be a live Blog kinda feel.
-missed the first 10 mins because my mom, I mean my girlfriend, had some chores for me
-and definitely not in the script, Norwich takes the lead on a clinical volley in the box
-order restored for Chelsea as Torres continues his run of great form. Great service from that Russian guy and a solid header into the far corner. Torres "makes amends for earlier" assuming he fucked up for Norwich 's first. Torres 1-Torres 1.
-Titty? for Norwich misses a glorious headed chance around the 6
-very open game so far, a true delight for the neutral viewer
-persistent Chelsea attack leads to a classic Lampard one hop laser from the top of the box. 2-1.
-and Chelsea lead which is very gay
-Oscar seems a player wise beyond his years and can do almost anything on the pitch. Great vision, great shot, great left and right foot, and most importantly, great awareness and patience. I think time will show him to be a much more valuable signing than Hazard. Joga bonito.
-textbook, glorious counter from Chelsea. Mata the general, Hazard the assassin. This team looks scary. Gay.
-Mata in scintillating form. He does what he wants.-and definitely not in the script, Norwich takes the lead on a clinical volley in the box
-order restored for Chelsea as Torres continues his run of great form. Great service from that Russian guy and a solid header into the far corner. Torres "makes amends for earlier" assuming he fucked up for Norwich 's first. Torres 1-Torres 1.
-Titty? for Norwich misses a glorious headed chance around the 6
-very open game so far, a true delight for the neutral viewer
-persistent Chelsea attack leads to a classic Lampard one hop laser from the top of the box. 2-1.
-and Chelsea lead which is very gay
-Oscar seems a player wise beyond his years and can do almost anything on the pitch. Great vision, great shot, great left and right foot, and most importantly, great awareness and patience. I think time will show him to be a much more valuable signing than Hazard. Joga bonito.
-textbook, glorious counter from Chelsea. Mata the general, Hazard the assassin. This team looks scary. Gay.
-Cute team play from Norwich leads to a deserved corner
-Chelsea firing on all cylinders. Everyone touching the ball, everyone moving. Seems like they're playing FIFA.
-Oscar to be rumored as the lead in Black Swan 2. Tip toeing magic around the box.
-chance for Holt, heads over. At this rate, that may be Norwich' s last chance of the game.
-Chelsea truly do look like a team in top, top form. After beating the Prem favorites last weekend, why shouldn't they?
-Halftime. Norwich clawing back to a 3-3 draw are about 50-1 odds at the moment.
The Return of Greatness
Michael Jordan. Backstreet Boys. Us. In no particular order. Upper 90 returns today to drop knowledge and ease hearts and minds for you futbol faithful out there. On the table today is Chelsea "WE OSCAR NOW" vs. Norwich "Our Jerseys Are Fucking Sweet plus we know Gilly" City. The late game is that team from the Green Street Hooligans against The Most Exciting Team in the World Not Named Barca (and who don't pay off refs). Spread those anuses and get ready for some biting, incisive, revealing, heartwarming, and clit tingling commentary.
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